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God: Man Yelling ‘Jesus Saves’ In Uptown Ranks Among My Most Annoying Creations
UPTOWN — On Friday, God announced that, among all His creations since the dawn of time, He least prefers those who scream “Jesus Saves” into megaphones at Trade…
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Thom Tillis Seen Wiping Ass With Stack Of Letters From Concerned Constituents
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what political analysts are calling “the most honest moment of his career,” Senator Thom Tillis was reportedly seen wiping his own ass with a…
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Panhandler On N Tryon Knows You See Them Standing There
EVERY INTERSECTION ON N TRYON SREET — A panhandler on N Tryon Street today confirmed that he knew that you saw him standing there, despite your pathetic attempts…
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Nissan Altima Decepticon Seen Terrorizing Charlotte Citizens, Wreaks Death And Hellfire Upon City
UPTOWN — Uptown Charlotte was thrown into chaos this morning as a Decepticon—a sentient cybernetic war machine from the Transformers universe—took the form of a battered Nissan Altima…
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Romare Bearden Park Ranked Among Fastest-Growing Places In The U.S For Dogs To Take A Fat Shit
UPTOWN — Romare Bearden Park has been named one of America’s fastest-growing destinations for dogs to drop a fat shit, with more than 911,300 canines having dropped a…
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Famished Prairie Schooner Caravan Reaches Gate A39 After Perilous, Three-Day Airport Trek
WEST CHARLOTTE — A beleaguered Charlotte family on Friday successfully completed a long, torturous journey through Charlotte Douglas’ infamous A Connector, the nearly 1,000-foot stretch of hopelessness designed…
Tuesday, July 21, 2026