Cursed CMS Throne Patiently Awaits Next Victim
SECOND WARD — The Iron Throne for the CMS Superintendent is reportedly patiently awaiting its next temporary occupant to consume its soul. The move comes as the CMS Board of…
Local Roundabout PushesHuman Intelligence To Absolute Limits
EVERYWHERE — The multi-lane roundabout at the intersection of Community House Road and Bryant Farms Road in South Charlotte continues to cognitively defeat the local driving populace, according to science. Designed…
Neese’s Liver Pudding Brick Appointed Interim Mayor of Charlotte
UPTOWN — The Charlotte City Council voted unanimously Wednesday night to appoint a raw, 16-ounce Neese’s Liver Pudding Brick as the city's next interim mayor. The gray, slate-colored rectangle—celebrated by…
Everyone On Rail Trail Hotter And Happier Than You
SOUTH END —A new study confirmed that every single person jogging on the Charlotte Rail Trail is significantly more attractive, wealthy, and emotionally fulfilled than you are. The research revealed…
Local Man Just Relieved He Doesn’t Live In South Carolina
PLAZA MIDWOOD — After reading yet another headline involving alligators, a car chase, and a…
Opinion: What the Fuck Is That One Sculpture in Uptown Supposed to Be? 5 Ideas
UPTOWN — Every time I pass this thing, I have to ask myself: What the…
As Earth Explodes, Axios Charlotte Releases List of Top 10 New Breweries to Check Out
CHARLOTTE — Despite Earth’s catastrophic explosion on Wednesday, Axios Charlotte remained undeterred, publishing yet another…