City Made Entirely Of Concrete Surprisingly Hot Today
UPTOWN — City leaders and urban planners confirmed Tuesday that a metro area constructed almost exclusively out of dark asphalt, unyielding concrete, and reflective glass high-rises is surprisingly, inexplicably hot…
South End Man Getting Too Old For This Shit
SOUTH END — Standing motionless in the deafening, sweat-slicked center of Gin Mill on a Saturday night, local 29-year-old corporate accountant Tyler Vance came to the stark, inescapable realization that…
NYC Transplant Mourns Charlotte’s Lack Of Giant, Epilepsy-Triggering Advertisement Nexus
UPTOWN — Expressing profound disorientation following his recent relocation to North Carolina’s largest metropolitan area, local resident and former Manhattanite Julian Vance publicly lamented Tuesday that Uptown Charlotte suffers from…
CMPD Chief Amazed Dystopian Flock Grid Used For Dystopian Tracking
UPTOWN — CMPD Police Chief Estella Patterson admitted she was "completely blindsided" to discover that a high-tech mass surveillance system capable of tracking every vehicle in the city without a…
Local Man Just Relieved He Doesn’t Live In South Carolina
PLAZA MIDWOOD — After reading yet another headline involving alligators, a car chase, and a…
Opinion: What the Fuck Is That One Sculpture in Uptown Supposed to Be? 5 Ideas
UPTOWN — Every time I pass this thing, I have to ask myself: What the…
As Earth Explodes, Axios Charlotte Releases List of Top 10 New Breweries to Check Out
CHARLOTTE — Despite Earth’s catastrophic explosion on Wednesday, Axios Charlotte remained undeterred, publishing yet another…