City Council Approves Conditional Use Permit For FleetOf Intergalactic Biomass Harvesters
UPTOWN — The Zoning Board of Adjustment voted 6-1 today to grant a limited-duration operational permit to the Aurelian Consensus, a trans-dimensional collective of post-biological consciousness nodes whose primary objective…
Local Man Sentenced To 5 YearsHard Labor In Gastonia
GASTONIA — Local agitator Pyotr Jenkins was sentenced yesterday to five years of hard labor in the desolate industrial steppes of Gastonia. Jenkins, 34, a former resident of the prosperous…
NCDOT Solicits Community Feedback On Which Private Equity Firm Should Fuck Over Charlotte
UPTOWN — Amid ongoing controversy over proposed changes to the I-77 corridor, Charlotte City Council says it is working with NCDOT to gather community input on which multi-billion-dollar private equity…
Duke Energy CEO Asks To Borrow Your Netflix Password
UPTOWN — Duke Energy CEO Harry Sideris reportedly knocked on the front door of a local Dilworth residence Tuesday evening to ask if he could “borrow the Netflix password for…
Local Man Just Relieved He Doesn’t Live In South Carolina
PLAZA MIDWOOD — After reading yet another headline involving alligators, a car chase, and a…
Opinion: What the Fuck Is That One Sculpture in Uptown Supposed to Be? 5 Ideas
UPTOWN — Every time I pass this thing, I have to ask myself: What the…
As Earth Explodes, Axios Charlotte Releases List of Top 10 New Breweries to Check Out
CHARLOTTE — Despite Earth’s catastrophic explosion on Wednesday, Axios Charlotte remained undeterred, publishing yet another…