Empress Vi Vacates The Throne, Unleashing A War Of Succession Between 35 Sons
CITY HALL — Four months after stunning the realm by donning the Imperial Mianfu, Empress Vi has officially relinquished the Dragon Throne, triggering an immediate, violent descent into a Warring…
American To Honor Spirit’s Legacy By Adding Coin Slot To Bathrooms
CLT-DOUGLAS — American Airlines announced Monday that it will preserve the operational model of Spirit Airlines by installing physical coin slots on all restroom doors at Charlotte Douglas International Airport…
City Council Approves Conditional Use Permit For FleetOf Intergalactic Biomass Harvesters
UPTOWN — The Zoning Board of Adjustment voted 6-1 today to grant a limited-duration operational permit to the Aurelian Consensus, a trans-dimensional collective of post-biological consciousness nodes whose primary objective…
Local Man Sentenced To 5 YearsHard Labor In Gastonia
GASTONIA — Local agitator Pyotr Jenkins was sentenced yesterday to five years of hard labor in the desolate industrial steppes of Gastonia. Jenkins, 34, a former resident of the prosperous…
Local Man Just Relieved He Doesn’t Live In South Carolina
PLAZA MIDWOOD — After reading yet another headline involving alligators, a car chase, and a…
Opinion: What the Fuck Is That One Sculpture in Uptown Supposed to Be? 5 Ideas
UPTOWN — Every time I pass this thing, I have to ask myself: What the…
As Earth Explodes, Axios Charlotte Releases List of Top 10 New Breweries to Check Out
CHARLOTTE — Despite Earth’s catastrophic explosion on Wednesday, Axios Charlotte remained undeterred, publishing yet another…