CHARLOTTE — Record-high temperatures soaring past 70 degrees this week have left Charlotte residents in shock, with many placing the blame squarely on Brad Panovich, the city’s trusted meteorologist.
“It’s February, and I’m sweating in my car. Explain that, Brad!” exclaimed Dilworth-native Kevin Hartsfield, echoing a sentiment rippling through the Queen City. “If he didn’t want to be blamed for global warming, maybe he shouldn’t talk about the weather so much.”
Meteorologists confirmed that this week’s temperatures are more typical of late March than early February, with some describing the weather as “straight-up nonsense.” Naturally, frustration has turned to Brad, as if his accurate forecasts are somehow responsible for the atmospheric chaos.
Panovich addressed the complaints on his social media, writing: “I report the weather; I don’t create it. But thanks for the credit, I guess?”
Still, Charlotteans remain unconvinced. “He’s been in this game for decades,” added Hartsfield. “Are we sure he and his underground weather-controlling cabal doesn’t have something to do with this? First snow, now heatwaves? It’s just too suspicious.”
Local climate advocates intensified the debate, highlighting Charlotte’s increasingly erratic weather as clear evidence of global warming—a phenomenon that, according to science, Brad drives by personally raising CO2 levels, melting polar ice caps, fueling stronger hurricanes, and so on.
“Brad’s the face of the weather, so he’s the face of global warming now too,” said South End resident Tanya Reed. “After all, it’s widely-known that his Doppler radar is secretly a CO2 emitter. If this heatwave doesn’t break soon, I might have to block him on Facebook.”
Whether the heatwave is climate change or coincidence, locals agree on one thing: when it comes to weather-related anger, Brad Panovich is probably to blame.
In Brad We Trust