The Lede: 🪦 No one has time to mourn properly in this economy. That’s why Axios Charlotte is disrupting the funeral industry with a new, bulleted obituary format designed to get you back to your brewery crawl by noon.
Why it matters: 📉 Your loved one is gone, but your attention span is shorter.
By the numbers:
🔢 3: The maximum number of bullet points allowed per life lived.
🔢 0: Number of adjectives used to describe the deceased’s personality.
🔢 100%: Probability that the obituary ends with a “Top 10” list of the deceased’s favorite South End rooftop bars.
⭐ Go deeper: The new format, titled Axios Afterlife, features a “Big Picture” section for every death, usually explaining how the funeral will impact local real estate prices or the construction of the Silver Line.
The “Catch Up Fast” summary of Grandma’s life:
👵 She lived 82 years.
🧶 She liked knitting.
The Bottom Line: ⚡️ She didn’t live to see the completion of the I-77 toll lanes, which is honestly for the best.
