CHARLOTTE — City officials confirmed Thursday that hot realtor moms are now spawning in Charlotte every three seconds, despite there only being actually only one home left to sell in all of Charlotte.
The milestone was reached early this morning when three Lake Norman moms passed their licensing exams before preschool drop-off. By noon, their social media bios read “Realtor. Mom. Lake Life.”
Locals say the realtor mom population has become impossible to avoid; they’ve spread through every neighborhood, circling the same handful of listings in white SUVs, each calling a two million dollar teardown “a steal” and whispering to owners to “make the right choice” in a vaguely threatening way.
With affordable housing in Charlotte near non-existent, competition has turned feral. One east Charlotte resident reported seeing six realtor moms fighting over a single For Sale sign. “They stood there in Lululemon, iced coffees trembling, locked in a silent standoff. At any moment, it looked like one might bodyslam another straight through the granite countertop.”
At a recent open house, witnesses saw three realtor moms wedged into a kitchen nook, each insisting they had the perfect buyer while refusing to blink.
At press time, city officials confirmed there are now twelve hot realtor moms for every available home in Charlotte. Experts warned that at this rate, most residents will never own a home here, but will still be asked weekly if they’re “curious about selling.”
