CHARLOTTE — After spending over 35 minutes in slow-moving traffic on I-77, local man Kyle Brenner confirmed that he “better see flames” at the end of this or “someone’s goddamn car better be upside down.”
The cause of the backup, which started near Exit 23, has not yet been confirmed. But that hasn’t stopped Brenner from loudly hoping for “at least a helicopter” to justify the delay.
“If there’s no visible wreckage, this is a waste of everyone’s time,” said Brenner, who was traveling alone in the left lane, honking at cars in front of him for leaving ‘way too much space’ for other drivers to merge, which he described as ‘rewarding weakness.’”
Brenner spent most of the jam sighing theatrically and inching forward with the kind of urgency typically reserved for emergency evacuations.
“If this is for a fender bender, I’m going to lose my mind,” he said, tapping his steering wheel. “Someone better be airlifted out of here or I swear to God.”
Despite claiming to be concerned about the delay, Brenner reportedly passed two emergency responders on foot without slowing down and refused to yield to a merging ambulance. “Everyone’s gotta make choices,” he said.
Brenner was seen squinting toward the shoulder of the road, disappointed to learn that the flashing lights ahead were just a tow truck, and nothing appeared to be on fire. He has since justified his horrible thoughts by saying he meditates sometimes and once read half of The Daily Stoic.
