HUNTERSVILLE, NC — Local dumbass Tyler McMullen, who very clearly resides in Huntersville, once again told coworkers Monday that he “lives in Charlotte,” despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
“I mean, it’s basically Charlotte,” McMullen insisted while browsing polos at the Birkdale lululemon. “It’s just, like, 15 minutes away… if there’s no traffic.”
When pressed, McMullen admitted his address falls outside Charlotte city limits but claimed the distinction “doesn’t matter” because he “goes to South End sometimes” and “pays the same Duke Energy bill as everyone else.”
Neighbors and coworkers report this is not the first time McMullen has blurred geographic boundaries for convenience. Last month, he described a trip to Concord Mills as “going up to Charlotte” and told friends from out of town that the Lake Norman area “counts as Uptown if you think about it.”
Urban planning experts disagree. “There are rules,” said Dr. Elaine Turner, professor of geography at UNC Charlotte. “If you have to drive past a cow on your way home, you don’t live in Charlotte.”
McMullen, undeterred, maintains that Huntersville is ‘Charlotte-adjacent,’ arguing that anywhere with a Target, golf carts, and wine moms ‘technically’ still counts.
At press time, McMullen was seen correcting someone from Cornelius who claimed they lived in Charlotte, reportedly muttering, “Have some self-respect.”
