SECOND WARD — The Iron Throne for the CMS Superintendent is reportedly patiently awaiting its next temporary occupant to consume its soul.
The move comes as the CMS Board of Education has officially triggered its sacred triennial ritual, placing Superintendent Dr. Crystal Hill on “temporary administrative leave” while an outside firm determines how much it will cost taxpayers to make her go away permanently.
The announcement, delivered late Wednesday evening under the standard boilerplate terminology of “administrative and operational oversight,” marks the traditional closing act of the 36-month CMS executive life cycle.
With her suspension, Dr. Hill successfully hits the historic three-year executive ceiling that has plagued Charlotte public education. Local historians note the position functions almost identically to the Defense Against the Dark Arts chair at Hogwarts, only if Hogwarts had to navigate a $2.1 billion budget standoff and as well as a $95,000 legal settlement involving an Ardrey Kell High School student painting on a rock.
The throne, constructed entirely from the melted-down lesson plans and grievance reports of vanquished administrators, remains fundamentally unstable due to the puppet masters in the state legislature. Raleigh’s deeply benevolent fiscal policy of slowly strangling public education with a decorative silk cord structurally guarantees that local administrators will brutally butcher one another over the remaining crumbs in an annual, high-stakes guessing game.
When asked for comment, a local parent expressed grim optimism for the future.
“When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die. There is no middle ground,” said Cersei Lannister, a South Park mother of three, on navigating the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Schools spring budget cycle.
At press time, CMS had reportedly used the remainder of its emergency administrative budget to initiate further legal action against The Charlotten over its infamous January snow-day post.
