UPTOWN — Duke Energy CEO Harry Sideris reportedly knocked on the front door of a local Dilworth residence Tuesday evening to ask if he could “borrow the Netflix password for just, like, an hour.”
The request comes as part of Duke’s new “Community-Based Shared Resources Initiative,” a strategic pivot from traditional utility management to what residents are calling “deadbeat roommate behavior on a global scale.”
“He told me he was right in the middle of The Crown and got that ‘Netflix Household’ error,” said homeowner Mark Miller. “I told him I was already paying an extra $17.22 a month to help him modernize the grid. He didn’t say anything. Then he just asked if I had any spare salsa and chips.”
According to sources within the utility giant, the CEO’s personal finances are currently “a little tied up in escrow” pending the North Carolina Utilities Commission’s decision on whether to grant the company a 10.95% guaranteed profit margin.
The Netflix incident is just the latest in a string of puzzling interactions between the monopoly and its 2.9 million customers. Last Friday, Duke Energy sent a mass Venmo request for $6.90 to every resident in the Charlotte metro area with the caption: “💸🍕 For that one slice of pizza when it got cold in Feb. Thx roomie!”
“It’s a classic move,” said local economist Dr. Sarah Vance. “They report $5 billion in profit, then act like the roommate whose app ‘isn’t working’ when it’s time to request the Uber.”
Internal memos leaked from Duke’s South Church Street headquarters suggest the CEO has a “Top 10” list of items he plans to ask Charlotte residents for before the April 29 public hearing, including hopping on your Spotify Family Plan because he “doesn’t really use it enough to justify a solo subscription.”
In a formal statement, Duke Energy clarified that the Netflix password is essential for “grid reliability.”
