MIDTOWN — A psychopath in a lifted Ford F-150 attempted to back into a compact space in the crowded Midtown Target parking lot on Thursday, triggering a massive traffic jam. The driver, a 26-year-old junior analyst in a Patagonia vest, stopped his truck in the middle of the main lane, shifted into reverse, and began a painfully slow, seventeen-point turn during the busiest shopping hour of the day.
The incident caused immediate chaos in the famously tight lot. As a chorus of angry car horns echoed off the nearby stores, the driver remained completely unfazed, meticulously adjusting his angle.
According to behavioral studies, individuals who insist on backing into parking spaces are objectively three times more likely to possess dark triad personality traits and a clinically diagnosed absence of basic human empathy.
For the average commuter, the absolute disregard for common courtesy has turned a simple trip for toilet paper into a test of survival, forcing hundreds of ordinary citizens to watch an adult man adjust his side mirrors for twenty minutes just so he can achieve the perfect angle for an alpha-male departure.
At press time, the suspect was last seen walking toward Club West Brewing with a look of absolute triumph.
