STEEL CREEKE— A Steele Creek resident reportedly experienced a complete spiritual collapse Tuesday afternoon as a gas-pump display blared an advertisement for a roller-grill hot dog of indeterminate age while he filled his tank for $84.50.
The man, who was already having a deeply mediocre day, was granted the privilege of paying a premium for regular unleaded while being aggressively marketed to throughout the transaction.
The gas-pump display, ostensibly designed to “engage consumers,” ensured that he would not experience even a single three-minute window of unmonetized consciousness. A regional executive confirmed the broadcast was intended to incentivize the driver to purchase additional convenience-store items with whatever little money remained after filling his tank.
By the time the pump clicked off, the man had entirely given up, staring blankly ahead as he was then urged to complete his purchase with a limited-time deal on a 64-ounce neon-blue fountain soda and a potentially radioactive taquito. He quietly replaced the nozzle, declined a receipt, and entered I-77 traffic, where the res
