CHARLOTTE — Despite Earth’s catastrophic explosion on Wednesday, Axios Charlotte remained undeterred, publishing yet another listicle of Queen City hotspots where you can shovel overpriced slop into your gaping maw.
Axios Charlotte, the esteemed news publication which has politely declined every Pulitzer its hard-hitting journalism has earned, justified the somewhat tone-deaf decision with a simple line of reasoning.
“Earth exploded? When?” The Editor-in-Chief of Axios Charlotte asked The Charlotten this morning. “And what does that have to do with breweries or coffee shops?”
The brewery listicle published by Axios featured include new places such as The Hops & Handle, Queen City Barrel Works, South End Suds, Cask & Grain, Carolina Barrel Collective, Beer Hall Putsch Brewing Co., Eviction Notice Brewing, The Gentrifier’s Taproom, and one simply named ‘Beer’.
In response to criticism, Axios Charlotte scrambled to release a follow-up article acknowledging the apocalypse, staying true to its signature format:
Earth is facing impending doom.
- Why it matters: You will die.
- What to expect: Death.
- The big picture: Suffering.
- Between the lines: Oblivion.
- Driving the news: Fire.
Axios Charlotte has since promised a follow-up listicle titled “5 Local Spots to Watch the World Burn (With a Cocktail in Hand).”
