HUNTERSVILLE — An asshole reportedly ruined an entire Fourth of July gathering Thursday night after showing up with fireworks purchased from Harris Teeter.
Witnesses said the show lasted approximately 47 seconds and included two gold fountains, a box of sparklers, and something called “Patriot’s Glow Worm” that emitted a small hiss before going out completely.
“He kept saying ‘just wait for this one,’” said one guest. “Then it sparked twice and died. We just went back inside after that.”
The man tried to justify the purchase by saying fireworks are “mostly about the vibes.” Moments later, a man named Chad three houses down lit $600 worth of South Carolina mortars at once, briefly turning the cul-de-sac into Fallujah.
No one has spoken to the asshole since.
