UPTOWN — Uptown Charlotte was thrown into chaos this morning as a Decepticon—a sentient cybernetic […]
Author: William
Romare Bearden Park Ranked Among Fastest-Growing Places In The U.S For Dogs To Take A Fat Shit
UPTOWN — Romare Bearden Park has been named one of America’s fastest-growing destinations for dogs […]
Famished Prairie Schooner Caravan Reaches Gate A39 After Perilous, Three-Day Airport Trek
WEST CHARLOTTE — A beleaguered Charlotte family on Friday successfully completed a long, torturous journey […]
As Charlotte Temperatures Rise, Brad Panovich Blamed For Global Warming
CHARLOTTE — Record-high temperatures soaring past 70 degrees this week have left Charlotte residents in […]
‘I Never Doubted Bryce Young’, Says Local Man Who Doubted Bryce Young
PINEVILLE — A local Charlotte man told The Charlotten that he is “not surprised” by […]
Migratory Warbler Pissed That Charlotte’s Low Cost of Living Turned Out to Be a Lie
NODA – A migratory yellow-rumped warbler is pissed after realizing Charlotte’s so-called “affordable cost of […]
Huge Loser Just Paid $20 For A Shot In South End
SOUTH END — A South End man was reportedly seen paying $20 for a single […]
Lynx Train Will Now Incinerate All Cars Blocking Its Path, Vowing To Leave “Nothing But Ashes” In Its Wake
UPTOWN — The Charlotte Area Transit System (CATS) announced on Sunday that Charlotte’s Lynx Blue […]
Uptown To Be Replaced By Giant, 30-Story High Pile Of Abandoned Lime Scooters
UPTOWN — The Charlotte City Council voted on Thursday to adorn the city skyline with […]
‘Nothing To Do Here’, Says Charlotte Local Who Never Leaves Room
UNIVERSITY — A University man, who the Charlotten was able to snag for an interview […]