RALEIGH — A routine hearing before the North Carolina Utilities Commission descended into action cinema Thursday when Attorney General Jeff Jackson tore open his dress shirt, revealed what witnesses described as “a constitutionally alarming number of abdominal muscles,” and placed a Duke Energy executive in a textbook submission hold.
The confrontation came during testimony on Duke’s proposed 11.6% rate increase on Charlotte residents, already reduced from an earlier 18% request after sustained opposition from @jeffjacksonnc’s office. Proceedings remained orderly until the witness began explaining the company’s requested Return On Equity (ROE) — basically a state-sanctioned profit multiplier. Jackson slowly removed his tie.
“Sing to me, Harold,” he said, climbing over the counsel table. “Sing to me of the rate base.”
Before commissioners could call a recess, the Army National Guard veteran had secured the executive in what court reporters identified as a “regulated rear naked choke.”
“Tell these families why Duke requires a 10.48% return,” Jackson demanded, “when my office says 7.4% keeps the lights on and leaves customers with $1.4 billion in their pockets.”
The executive, speaking through limited airflow, warned that lowering @duke_energy’s return could alarm credit-rating agencies, increase borrowing costs and ultimately push those expenses back onto customers.
Jackson tightened the hold by one basis point.
“You are a state-protected monopoly,” he said. “Do not speak to me of market risk.”
The hearing grew more volatile when testimony turned to the enormous electricity demands of new AI data centers. Jackson demanded to know why households in Charlotte and Raleigh should finance transmission infrastructure built largely to serve hyperscale technology companies.
“You would conscript North Carolina families,” he shouted, transitioning smoothly into a headlock, “so an algorithm can generate six-fingered pictures of Jesus fighting an alligator?”
At press time, Duke Energy had initiated emergency rolling blackouts across several residential subdivisions, citing a critical grid strain caused entirely by the sheer wattage of the Attorney General’s deltoids.
